Posted by: dopaminedialogue | 12/05/2009

blog-aholic?

It is 12:44am and, for the third night in a row, I’m still awake. Wide awake. Just 30 minutes ago, I made an attempt to go to sleep, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. This voice in my head kept saying “you can just sign on and add this one thing and then turn it off.”  And, like last night and the night before, I actually believed that I could practice that type of control. So, I did it. I turned the computer on again. I felt compelled, something comes over me that I cannot explain. And I did, I changed the one thing. But then I had another idea. An idea that couldn’t wait until tomorrow. And another….and another…

Before the idea of this blog came about, I was in what I called a “dark period” you could say. Not stimulated by most of the old activities that usually work for me when I get into a slump: exercise, music, good books. Then a dear friend suggested that I start a blog (she blogs too and many of her friends blog). She said that I could take it easy and write a little at a time. No big deal. And besides, I’m more fun when I blog. We’re all just having a good time.  

When I am blogging, I am excited, energetic, and focused (on the blog, not much else). I feel euphoric. I feel courageous. Large periods of time pass in what feels like an instant. I can’t sleep, don’t have much of an appetite, and am not too interested in discussing anything but blogging (a few friends have said something to me about this, but I don’t pay them any attention. I’ve heard them talking about Facebook and Myspace. Come on, isn’t that blogging too? Everybody blogs!). My thoughts race – there’s so much running through my head at once that I can’t seem to get it out fast enough. My loved ones keep bothering me with conversation – asking things like, “How was your day?” – but looking up from the computer screen interferes too much with my blogging. Although I must say I’ve gotten really good at pretending to listen and respond – and I’ve got them fooled so far. It isn’t really affecting my relationships though. They haven’t asked me to stop. And I haven’t gotten in trouble at work (where I blog every free moment I have), so no problems there either.

Right now my eyes are blurry and burning, my head is throbbing, my neck is stiff, and my right shoulder has a sharp pain in it (it can’t be from all the typing, nah). Maybe I should try to cut back some. But I’ll just write for a few more minutes first. Tomorrow is a new day. I know I’ll curse the alarm.

Hair of the blog in the morning…

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Responses

  1. Thanks Michelle: this is a great idea, and I love the dialogue on the perils of writing when inspiration takes over. Thanks for your efforts and clearly getting this information available, we all have problems with addiction and habits, I will pass this on to my SW husband.

  2. Just wanted to say good luck, Michelle! I’m excited for you and will pass this along to anyone that I can. I think it’s going to be so helpful for so many.
    See you soon!


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